Saying good bye to my stepdad, Aytch Perkins. & how death makes people change

So amidst all the other things going wrong I get a letter in the mail from my step brother.  It’s my step dads obituary with a hand written note from his wife saying “thank you for everything, we appreciate you!”  My step dad passed away in May  and here it is August but better late than never huh?

So just to give you a little background on the story my step dad and mother lived across the street from me in Florida for 7 years.  My grandmother got sick so I moved here (NC) to take care of her.  My step dad and son went to work at a camp in New York every summer and my mother usually used this as a time to travel and visit family, if and when she was not at the camp. This year she was planning on visiting me first so we could go on vacation in Virginia next.  She had just come 5 months prior to celebrate my grandmothers 90th birthday but only stayed a weekend so she was eager to come and spend some time with me.  I looked forward to it as well.  We did not like her alone because she had MS and her health was failing. She was constantly falling and having dizzy spells.  As it worked out this year  was the first time she was left totally alone in the house. She was in no rush to leave and was getting mad at everyone for being so protective over her.  To make a long story short this guy, who lived around the corner broke in the house and brutally murdered my mother.  It was and still is the worst experience of my whole life.  The punk gets sentenced to death then the supreme court overturned the sentence and now has to be retried, which will happen in November.  We still have to live through this mess.  My grandmother died a month after my mother so you know this took a toll on our family.

My mother and stepdad, Aytch, were together for over 30 years.  He took this harder than anyone because he left her there.  We all felt some guilt.  The couple of days after the guy was sentenced to death Aytch went back up to the camp and had an abdominal aneurysm, which left him paralyzed from the waist down.  After he go out of the hospital he stayed up there with his daughter for a little while but eventually came home as he did not feel comfortable there.  My son came back with him and took care of him.  Last year my son went up to the camp and these squatters moved into the house pretending to be Aytch’s friend and basically wiped my step dad out of money and possessions but were calling his kids telling them everything was okay.  Aytch, not wanting to make waves, went along with it.  When my son came back he put everyone out and there was a big divide in the family.  (I hate people who take advantage of old people)

That’s the background story.

My step dad called me and asked me to come down there and help him get everything straight.  I think he knew his time was short.  I went several times over the course of a couple months because he was in really bad shape and I was shocked.  A bed sore went to his bone and became infected in a sore that looked like a crater.  My step brother in California came down and put him in a nursing home and I helped clean up the house, make repairs, got copies of all his bank statements and reported these creeps to the police, which by the way, did nothing.  That’s Florida.  All you hear is true about them.  And I spent a lot of time with Aytch.  He looked terrible and visiting him was hard but meant a lot to him.

Aytch lost his struggle May 16th.  His death was really hard on me.  Almost as hard as my mothers.

And then the ugliness from my step sister and other step brother came out.  I could not deal with them because I knew it was coming from guilt.  Smiling in my face telling me how much they appreciate everything my son and I did for THEIR dad(emphasizing it was their dad like him moving to Fl to be near me meant nothing). then spreading lies.  The son in the photo on the obit went to Florida and had his dad cremated then called me and told me that the plan was to have his funeral in a few weeks in NY and basically if I or anyone else did not like it we are welcome to pay for the funeral in Florida.  Not wanting to be in any confrontation I decided to have my own memorial service here at home. It turned out beautiful.  We hired someone to come in to cook, my job sent over a lot of  food and family came from everywhere.  At the end we released balloons and we all felt like we said a proper goodbye.  The official funeral was in NY a month later and his daughter made it clear that now her dad was gone she had no ties to us so I nor my sister went to the funeral,  My brother, son  and aunt did.  By the two who were acting weird, they were shunned.  The son in California acknowledged everyone and publicly thanked my son for taking care of his father for the last 5 years and basically preserving his last years of life.

Getting the obituary in the mail so late was a shock but I was happy when it came.  I open it and read it.  My mother was given “honorable” mention, my kids were mentioned, although their names were spelled wrong, and no mention of me, or my siblings.  Again as if we did not count.  I was so hurt I can’t even describe it. It knocked me to my knees.   But later I looked at the obit and noticed how poorly written it was, spelling errors everywhere, and thought about the funeral being a month later and the obit being sent out months later and I had to shake that sadness.  Aytch knew I loved him and did all I could for him till the day he died and if his kids want to be petty like this so be it.  It is on them.  I choose not to desicrate his memory in pettiness.  I sent a text message to them thanking them for acknowledging my mother and children.  Then I deleted them from facebook and my phone book in my phone.  That chapter is now closed.  I know that is not the reaction they expected but that’s what they got.  What they did was despicable and many people reached out to me to tell me so.  I did not feed into it but I am glad that the truth is known! I am not responsible for anyone’s actions but my own so I burnt the obituary and blew the ashes in the yard.  That bad karma is out of my house.

It set me back on my progress a little though.

Damn!

RIP mom and Aytch….two beautiful people who died a painful death but now in peace together with their Lord!